After Thoughts...

For nearly nine months we shared living space – he made me sick, rammed his head into my bladder, shoved his body into my stomach space, and threw wild dance parties at all hours of the night. And now gone, home where he belongs and I have this body back to myself. 

So, now I meet shocked faces as I’m out and about after how many days from giving birth?! 
I was at Publix for the first time and a cashier asked me if I had the baby and I said, “ yeah last week!” and she then says, “who has the baby now??”  That was weird but I explained and said his mama!

I'm also asked frequently “How are you?” but, really, “How are you?” Because we have so many sweet family and friends concerned for my emotional well-being, even more so than for my physical recovery. Many have been concerned since we first announced our plans for me to carry someone else’s child because they imagine it is difficult to “give up” a baby after carrying him in one’s womb for nine months. Others simply understood my concern that my hormones might take over after birth, regardless of all I knew and felt before.

The short answer is: “I’m doing well.” And it’s the true answer. 

I had a few weepy moments once we got home from the hospital, but have been ok recently. I'm ready for my body to be back and it's weird seeing my little pouch and not having a baby around to show for it. However, at the same time, I’m enjoying full nights of sleep again and not running around trying to entertain 2 older kids while taking care of a new baby. When my boobs were leaking the first few days home I just stood in the shower and cried and when I looked back at the pictures from the delivery and tell people our birth story my eyes get a little watery but it’s not an attachment thing at all. I know and have always known Little Louie belonged to another family. It’s just that for the last year I have been so invested in this journey. My mind has always been prepared and ready for this and now my body and heart are just trying to figure out what’s next! 

I wanted to allow another couple to experience the wonders of parenthood, I wanted to change someone’s life and that's what I did and I have never been so proud! 

The most important part of surrogacy to me was making sure that the baby’s parents were included as much as possible. The mother had already missed out on carrying their child, and I didn’t want her to lose out on any other parts of the journey. I sent belly pictures every week and called the parents after every doctor’s appointment so they could feel included as much as possible and I know they are super grateful for that. Going through all the things they have gone through surely makes things harder and raises a lot of concern and fear but they know I had their child and my godchild in everyone's best interest! 💕

Now that we are 2 weeks postpartum I’m feeling even better. I can finally start driving again and have been able to really enjoy this past week with my own kids as their summer break comes to an end. I’m so excited that for the first time I get to take them to their first day of school! Now...I’m just wondering what I’ll do to keep myself busy over the next few weeks while they are at school and I’m still off of work. I’m enjoying and looking forward to spending more time with our Swiss family before they officially head back to Switzerland and so, so excited to have them come and spend a few days at our home before they leave. I think this will be the closure that my heart needs. 

The great thing is that I know this is not the end at all! I will continue to see, talk, and share stories and updates with this family for the rest of our lives, and next summer my family and I will be traveling to Europe for all of our first time! This trip is starting to become a reality and we are all so excited. It’s such an awesome feeling to know we have a place we can go to and our Swiss family is always welcome to our home in Florida. 

Here are some special words and thank you’s  I’d like to share...

To my Blaise, Bryce & Emma,,
Thank you for supporting me on this journey! For tolerating my pregnancy hormones, for helping me with all the shots I had to take the first 12 weeks, for helping me lift heavy things and pick things up off the floor when I dropped them, for running out and grabbing me a coffee or some sour gummies!!! And most importantly thank you for loving on me and making me feel so good inside after the delivery of Louis!

To my family & friends,
Thank you for the support, love, and all the check-ins!!! Having you all to talk to and reach out to during the last year has been a wonderful thing for me! Reading your sweet comments and texts during the journey made me feel so good inside. I’m grateful for such great friends and so glad so many of you enjoyed being on this and following this journey with us!!!

To my IP’s, 

You never know what you are missing until you experience it and that is how this experience has been for me! To think we met just for the first time on Skype just over a year ago and have such an amazing connection and friendship! Thank you for choosing me to be your surrogate mama! I’m honored to help grow and make your family what you always dreamed it would be! I’m so happy about the bond our families will now have for a lifetime! You are the best and so deserving of this! I look forward to all that is ahead!! 

To my godchild Little Louie, 
I can't believe you are finally here. This pregnancy has gone by so fast and you were a great little belly buddy. I'm honored that your parents picked me to be your surrogate mama and I feel like the lucky one! Over the last 9 months, I laughed, cried, worried and my heart was so full. I enjoyed feeling you move, watching my belly grow and sharing all the details with your parents, and seeing their emotions and faces through it all. This experience has been life-changing for me and you and your parents are so special. You will be SOOOO loved and taken care of and I am excited to see and hear about you over the years and watch you and your big brother become best friends. I will always be here for you baby Swiss.